Rehashing things and holding onto negative feelings are incredibly draining. Instead of dwelling on a recent letdown, I made a decision to instead simply let go of my sadness and focus on all the positive things the future holds.
It is hard, not as simple as what you read on self-help books. But once I managed to let go, I feel much lighter and freer. And I was so fortunate to find Sandeh Vallesi in Ubud who runs a meditation center not far from Puri Ubud in downtown Ubud, called White Lotus Meditation Center. I was wondering what I may have done wrong to make a situation turn out the way it did, but it’s by far better to remember that certain things are just not meant to be. Many disappointments in life stem from trying to please others and live up to expectations about what we’re supposed to be, believe and do. It is nothing to do with the question I’ve been asking myself lately: Am I a bad mother? How can I fail in bringing up my daughter?
The epic quote of Martin Luther King Jr. says “We must accept finite disappointment but we must never lose infinite hope”. What it means is that accepting disappointment can help take the sting out of it, even when it seems like it’s the worst thing that could ever happen to you. However, just because you’re disappointed and hurting right now, you must save a bit of your emotions to keep hope alive. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself giving up and that’s no good at all.
Again it is easier said than done.
I spent Saturday morning with Sandeh, dumping out all negativity from my mind and heart. I felt like talking from one woman to another woman without afraid of being judged or blamed. It unclogged the veins and nerves, brought more oxygen and positive energy throughout my body.
In the past week I’ve been haunted by guilt for causing my daughter to leave home. I truly belief that she didn’t make the right choice, that she was under the influence of others that blind her. I still don’t like the man she is seeing and planning to marry, but I am accepting her decision. I’ve been performing my duty as a mother for nearly 30 years, I have sweet memories as well as sour time with her. Now I just have to let things go, simply for the reason that they are heavy.
I believe that happiness can exist only in acceptance. And I have accepted the fact the my daughter went to pursue her own happiness which may not be my kind of happiness. I just want her to know that my door is always open whenever she needs me. This bond between mother and daughter is unbreakable. But I want to be happy as much as I want her to be happy.